Friday, January 26, 2007

my very own 2006 in review

Oscar nominations came out the otherday, and sadly this year I realized I've barely seen any of the nominees. This (and the fact that I was suffering a 24-hour stomach flu) led me to look at what movies I did go see this year, and compare them to what I saw over the last few years (thanks to the wonder that is this site.) In 2006 I saw (in theaters) a paltry 21 movies, compared to 26 in 2005 and 32 in 2004. Of course, in 2004 I was still living in Lansdale, where the top 3 things to do on a Friday night are go to the movies, go to the mall, or snort cocaine. And because I am not cool, I never snorted cocaine. Anyway, even though we're totally past the "2006 in Review" thing by now, I'm not.

Movies I Saw with an 8-Year-Old
Cars - Boring. I get that I'm not exactly their target audience, but what happened to that "adults will like it too!" magic I keep hearing about?
Barnyard - Disturbing. This had a little too much of that "adults will like it too!" thing, only minus the "like it" part.

Movies I Got Drunk To on DVD
She's the Man
John Tucker Must Die

Movies I Wish I Got Drunk To on DVD, But Instead Paid $10 To Watch Sober
Friends With Money - otherwise known as "Jennifer Aniston Must Die"
The Illusionist - otherwise known as "Jessica Biel Did Die, But Not Really"

The Blockbusters That Sucked
X-Men 3: The Last Stand - My first X-Men movie, and probably my last.
The Da Vinci Code - The book sucked balls, so I don't know why I bothered spending money on the movie version. I just wanted to FIT IN! Sob.

The Blockbusters That Didn't Suck, But Still Failed to Reach Expectations
Mission: Impossible 3 - Unlike Renee Zellweger and Reese Witherspoon, Tom Cruise somehow escapes my wrath when he's onscreen and not on Oprah's couch. But the whole chest-pounding heart-restart bit at the end...come ON, JJ, do you think NO ONE in this audience has ever seen "Lost"?
Superman Returns - Brandon Routh is PERFECT looking. I have a hard time believing he's made of skin and bone, and not CGI. But I can't really root for a couple when one-half is as retarded as Lois Lane, and I can't really hate a villain as retarded as Lex Luthor. Nice try, though.

The Blockbuster That Actually Deserved To Be
Casino Royale - Guns! Poker! Poisoned martinis! Daniel Craig is a pretty sweet James Bond, and despite a sub-par Bond Girl and a drawn-out ending, "Casino Royale" was the only big hit of 2006 that really should have been.

The So-So Attempts at Political Commentary
V for Vendetta - This was too long ago for me to remember much beyond Natalie Portman, a guy in a mask and an oddly-placed disco ball. I guess it had something to do with fascism.
Thank You for Smoking - I like Aaron Eckhart a lot, but overall the movie wasn't quite as sharp or funny as I was expecting. I did love the "Trio of Death" or whatever they called themselves.

The Chick Flicks
The Devil Wears Prada - Surprisingly good, especially since I tried to read the book and gave up after 2 pages of tedium. But honestly, it would have been crap without Meryl.
Marie Antoinette - Not quite a chick flick, but I'll put it here because it stars Kirsten Dunst and has lots of pretty dresses and shoes. Nowhere near "Lost in Translation" or "The Virgin Suicides", but it wasn't terrible.

The Movies that Nobody Else Saw
Wordplay - Documentary about crossword geeks. Sweet, but like the crossword geeks themselves, somewhat dull.
The Notorious Bettie Page - This was decent, but I didn't feel that Bettie's sudden turn to Jesus at the end was particularly insightful.
Hollywoodland - I really, really liked this one. It had some faults, but the acting was good and overall it was very atmospheric. Ben Affleck did a really nice job here. Somebody give him a job.
Snakes on a Plane - Syke! Okay, other people saw it. But comparatively it was a giant flop. A HILARIOUS flop! - in the context of opening night, when there were a decent amount of people there. If you saw it after the first weekend or, worse, on DVD, I'm willing to accept whatever your opinion may be.

The Funny Ones
Borat - I saw it with my Jewish roommate and her dad. Niiiiiice.
Little Miss Sunshine - Abigail Breslin's dance at the end: A. Ma. Zing. The rest is kind of lackluster upon repeated viewings.

The Kick-ass Crime Movies That Were Seriously the Best All Year
The Departed - This movie explodes with awesome. If "Babel", aka "Crash 2: International", conquers it at the Oscars...well actually I won't be surprised. Phony American "liberalism" beats out intense crime thriller any day.
Brick - Also exploding with awesome, "Brick" sets up a bunch of suburban kids who live with their moms at the center of a dangerous drug ring and murder mystery. So, so fucking cool.

And so you have it. All 21 movies, plus 2 on DVD that I threw in just so I could use the "Wish I was Drunk" title. Money and time well spent? You decide!

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